CAPS United Fire Back at Dynamos in Relegation Drama

The football rivalry between Harare giants CAPS United and Dynamos has taken a dramatic twist, not on the pitch this time, but through words that sting with the weight of relegation pressure.

In a cheeky yet calculated statement released under the banner “CAPS United Loading News,” Makepekepe have fired a “brotherly reminder” to their cross-town cousins, Dynamos FC, urging them to brace for a possible fall from grace as the 2025 Castle Lager Premier Soccer League season enters its tense final stretch.

“Dear Cousin Dynamos FC,” the message begins, polite enough, but what follows is a masterclass in witty football banter layered with the sharp truth of league survival.

“Thank you for the advice you gave us a few weeks ago when we decided to drop points and wait for you in the relegation zone anyway. I hope I find you well,” reads part of the statement.

The green half of Harare, who recently pulled off crucial back to back wins against defending champions Simba Bhora and Manica Diamonds, claim they have learned from Dynamos’ earlier taunts, and are now watching their city rivals sink into “the same waters they once mocked.”

“Just like you, we are that one sensible relative at a family barbecue who gently says, ‘Bro, you’re about to put raw chicken on the same plate as the potato salad.’ I’m reminding you for your own good,” continues the statement.

Makepekepe didn’t hold back from quoting PSL Chairman Isaiah Mupfurutsa’s recent warning that “if you go down, nobody’s coming to save you.”

The statement continues: “People have always said ‘Dembare ndeyeropa hakuna kwainoenda,’ but the PSL Chairman clearly stated that no extra teams, no divine intervention, not even a last minute reprieve from a referee who suddenly remembers he has a soul. It’s straight from the PSL to Division One.”

The CAPS United message paints a vivid and biting picture of life in Division One, describing dusty pitches, leaning goalposts, and players changing kits under trees while dodging baboons.

“Is that really the legacy you want?” the letter jabs. “Trading your storied name for a life where the biggest sponsorship deal is a local spaza shop offering free sadza for a shoutout?”

CAPS United, once in danger of relegation themselves, have clawed their way up the table with renewed fight, leaving Dynamos trailing by four points.

“We are almost safe now and please take a leaf from us. Remember you have dropped again into the murky waters of relegation,” the message continues. “Meanwhile, we listened to your advice and won our last two matches… We just need one more win to safely secure the 2026 PSL ticket.”

In true derby spirit, the letter closes with a stinging warning to Dynamos, one part humour, one part prophecy.

“Relegation itself isn’t gossip for Dynamos. It’s knocking on your door, holding a packed suitcase, and whispering, ‘I’m moving in.’”

And yet, despite the biting tone, CAPS United maintain the final word is born from “brotherly concern.”

“Stay up. Stay dignified. And for the love of all things holy, stay away from that dusty pitch with the leaning goalposts.”

Whether Dynamos will respond to their “cousins” or let their football do the talking remains to be seen. But one thing is clear, Harare’s great football rivalry has never been this personal, or this poetic.