Divorce should never be an option

By Piason Maringwa

Marriage is a gift from God. The marital bedroom is a place of intimacy and vulnerability, where couples share their lives and build families together. While some marriages face significant challenges from the start, marriage remains a sacred gift intended to be a lifelong union between husband and wife. Couples should strive to nurture and sustain their relationship through all circumstances.

Marriage vows emphasise commitment through both joy and hardship, in health and in sickness, until death. However, in reality, many marriages face difficulties that challenge this ideal. Modern marriage can be demanding, and some relationships struggle from the very beginning. There are cases where marriages dissolve quickly—sometimes within days or weeks of the wedding. What this often means is that the couple may have emotionally separated long before their wedding day.

Marriage is a natural union and cannot survive if entered into artificially or for convenience.

Sex in Marriage

Sexual intimacy is an important part of any marriage and should be approached with mutual respect and understanding. When HIV enters a marriage, both partners need to communicate openly, reflect on their past behaviours, and avoid assigning blame. Understanding and support are crucial in facing such challenges together.

Sexual intimacy is a shared responsibility. When issues arise that lead a partner to seek intimacy outside the marriage, both individuals should reflect on their roles in the relationship and work together to address the underlying problems. Some marriages become so toxic that normal and fulfilling intimacy becomes almost impossible, resulting in one or both partners looking elsewhere for satisfaction.

Married couples should create a nurturing environment for healthy sexual relationships at home to avoid situations where partners are driven to seek gratification—and risk—elsewhere.

Sex is a powerful force that must be approached with the satisfaction and well-being of both partners in mind. If one partner is consistently left unfulfilled, the temptation to look elsewhere increases, along with the risk of HIV infection.

Some may wonder whether their spouse is to blame for HIV in the home. Truthfully, it is often a complex situation. For example, I suspect that when I married my wife in 1990, I was already HIV positive, although I had not yet been tested. I only got tested in 1999 when I became seriously ill with tuberculosis. Therefore, Mai Simba is absolved—I take full responsibility for bringing HIV into my family.

Our firstborn son, born in 1991, was not affected, perhaps because my wife had not yet been infected at that time.

The Bitter-Sweet Reality of Sex Outside Marriage

Stolen fruit is always sweet; similarly, stolen sex can seem exciting but often carries disastrous consequences. Those who have engaged in extramarital relationships may testify to the initial appeal and the eventual pain when consequences follow. It is wise to avoid such situations and prioritise the health and stability of your marriage.

Divorce When One Tests HIV Positive

Anger, bitterness, and a sense of betrayal can overwhelm a partner when one or both spouses test HIV positive. Divorce may seem like the next logical step. The pain can feel even more intense when the wife is perceived to be the source. Many men struggle with the thought of their wives being with another man, especially if they consider themselves innocent.

Society often judges men and women differently regarding infidelity, but the pain of betrayal affects everyone. Decisions about divorce should be made thoughtfully, with careful consideration of the well-being of both partners.

Many people later regret choosing divorce, especially if the decision was driven by anger or bitterness. In many cases, women are deeply affected—particularly if, out of anger or pride, they end their marriages believing they can easily find another partner.

My advice to wives who feel compelled to act rashly because of their husbands’ infidelity is to remain calm, consider the long-term consequences, and make wise decisions. Divorce should not be the first or only option. Finding a second chance at marriage—or even a stable relationship—can be difficult.

Some individuals remain single for many years after divorce or widowhood, which can be emotionally challenging. It is important to value and support one another, regardless of health status.

When I look at my wife today—more than 24 years after she chose to stay with me despite my HIV-positive status—I see a heroine. Today she has a family, a home, children, grandchildren, and a healthy HIV-positive husband. Some who divorced their partners because of HIV now live alone or have passed away.

Some may disagree with my perspective, but I speak from experience. I have not always been a perfect husband to Mai Simba—she could have left me, but she chose to stay. Today, we are a happy and respectable couple enjoying good health and a fulfilling life together.

Mai Simba is the woman who has known me for decades, and I am the man she has nurtured and helped transform. Some people agree with my message, while others regret the rushed decisions they made to divorce because of HIV.

A devil you know is better than an angel you do not know. Always listen to the man with scars.